Good day...

"Trust only movement. Life happens at the level of events, not of words. Trust movement."

Really busy but great day today. Felt great at work and had my first therapy session which as awesome. Followed that up with a great session at the gym and a super healthy dinner.

First, the therapist was awesome and I can't wait to go back next week. We had a great conversations getting to know each other and why I was there etc. The questions she asked and the answers I said surprised even myself, but in a really good way. I felt a lot better when I left.

From there I went and got destroyed at the gym. Felt great.

All the best,

Justin

(Sorry, posted this from my phone).

"When one door of happiness closes, another opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has been opened for us."

Short post today as I am running into work! I just wanted to let everyone know that I am doing ok. Last week was my "go crazy" week with my friends and now this week it is on to the actual normalcy of my situation. I'm not sad though, but rather very excited at the opportunities in front of me. I go to my first therapy session tomorrow and I am very hopeful and excited for that. Through this entire experience, I want to make sure that I am keeping my end goal of becoming a much better person and man in my sights. When I look back on this time in one, three or five years I have to know that I didn't wallow in the moment or sink down lower but that I addressed this situation and my own faults head on and became the person I know I can be. Last week showed me how easy it could be to go down a bad path....

"All good is hard. All evil is easy. Dying, losing, cheating, and mediocrity is easy. Stay away from easy."

Leaving for Spain on the 9th! Woohoo!!!!!

Love you all!

Justin

Ups and downs...

"You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You must do the thing which you think you cannot do."

"Only when we are no longer afraid do we begin to live."

I went with two quotes that address how I am and have been feeling today. Let's deal with the crap first. I've been talking with a lot of people about what I am going to do with my house so that has been a very somber cloud hanging over my head. Deep down, the uncertainty of potential financial ramifications and penalties really wears on me because I have always tried to be frugal with money and conservative with how I approach spending it. Now in a matter a weeks, it seems like all that could be for naught. Oh well, like the quotes above say, I need to embrace those fears, doubts and uncertainties as a man and work through them. I told my ex that I would spend the rest of my life proving her wrong when she doubted I could ever be a real man so what better chance to begin than now? It would all just be empty words if I bowed to this now. I will always view being told that by the one I loved as a true watershed moment in my life. Words that I will be so much better off for dispelling. :)

On to the good stuff because it is much more fun to talk about and puts me in a better mood....
I should be booking my flight to Barcelona, Spain tomorrow!

If all goes as planned, I will be leaving April 9th and returning April 17th. I really have no plans other than to meet one of my best friends, Kyle Clift at the airport when I arrive. The two of us in Spain/anywhere else in Europe that our travels might take us is an awesome thought. It's strange to think that I have never really allowed myself to travel before. Looking back, I think it was more of a 'don't want to get out of my comfort zone' feeling more than anything else. However, there is no better time than the present to break those old stereotypes about myself.

Lastly, I am now fully certified to begin my hospice work which is a really cool feeling. All I am waiting on now is the first call/email saying there is a patient requesting company. Just being in the room sharing experiences with the social worker already makes me excited to start helping in any possible way. My journey to being a better friend, family member and overall human being is just beginning.

Thanks again for reading....

Cheers to new beginnings,

Justin

Moving forward with a purpose....

"One act of beneficence, one act of real usefulness, is worth all the abstract sentiment in the world."

So...exciting news. Based on the suggestion of a friend and coworker I have decided to volunteer for Harbor Hospice of Austin. Essentially, I will be meeting with terminally ill patients who have only a few days, weeks or months left to live and providing companionship to them by talking with them, reading to them and generally just helping them be comfortable as they live out their last days. I'm super scared and excited. I'm scared because this is a very powerful thing to be seeing a person pass away but I am very excited because I know in my heart that I have many good qualities and if I can help one person feel like they are not alone at the end, then it will all be worth it. The nurse who spoke to us today said he often goes home and cries when a patient passes away because you allow yourself to get close with them. The thought of that is very humbling.

http://www.harborhospice.com/

I have also decided to look into group 'divorce' therapy as an outlet to work through my feelings in a supportive and constructive manner rather than a destructive way. One thing I talked about in training tonight was how I felt like I had to be very strong for everyone else when Troy passed away. In doing so, I think I failed to realize how helpful it could have been to lean on others more. I've made it a goal to look to people who can empathize with what I am going through and hopefully provide good insight on how to deal with all my feelings in a productive manner. I think that just sitting down with strangers who are hurt like I am and communicating my thoughts with them will be very healthy.

Thanks to everyone for the continued support and kind words. It means more to me than you will ever know.

Justin

"There's only one corner of the universe you can be certain of improving, and that's your own self."

A good quote that helps keep me motivated to really try and improve myself as much as possible everyday. Be it physically or mentally.

Physically, I've started really trying to get into better shape through classes, runs and even going to the gym a bit with coworkers. Eating healthier has also been a big help in how I feel and am able to approach each day. As I look back, I never really paid much attention to how I kept myself up and I see an absolute correlation between that indifference and how it seeped into other areas of my life.

Mentally, my biggest challenge right now as I mentioned in earlier posts is still being stuck 50/50 with wanting to stay close to Jo and knowing that it is best for me to give her the space she/we need to move on.

It's impossible to move forward with one foot always staying behind.

Cheers,

Justin

"Most people can look back over the years and identify a time and place at which their lives changed significantly. Whether by accident or design, these are the moments when, because of a readiness within us and a collaboration with events occurring around us, we are forced to seriously reappraise ourselves and the conditions under which we live and to make certain choices that will affect the rest of our lives."

A ton of exciting opportunities on the horizon that I would be happy to discuss with y'all and probably will because if you are reading this chances are you play a significant role in my life and I value your opinions, thoughts and experiences.

Right now, I seem to be in limbo, stuck desperately wanting to move forward, but very much mired in the little things that I still have to somehow clean up from what went wrong. It's crazy how swinging by a place that was your home a week ago to get a coat can trigger such a wave of emotion and seemingly throw you right back into a place you refuse to let yourself go. No one said this would be easy I suppose.

In moments like these you want to make your situation the cataclysmic event of world history because it feels so consuming...One thing that has helped me is to take a step back, look at the lives of my friends and families. I can always point out moments in their lives where their situation must of felt as sad and overwhelming as mine. From there I look at how amazing their lives have turned out in the present tense and feel a great deal of motivation and a sense of duty to keep my head up and push through this until I get to the good point I know is waiting for me.

Looking forward to a great weekend of hanging out with my friends, watching Texas baseball and taking steps forward.

Cheers,

Justin

Cheers to new beginnings....

"Then, without realizing it, you try to improve yourself at the start of each new day; of course, you achieve quite a lot in the course of time. Anyone can do this, it costs nothing and is certainly very helpful. Whoever doesn't know it must learn and find by experience that a quiet conscience makes one strong."

Here we go....